Blogs

2.20.2025

I woke from a dream this morning. 

The premise: It appeared I had been solo traveling somewhere similar to New York City. 

I had been observing three things: 

1. The visual in front of me caught my granddaughter-of-a-photographer's eye of interest. 

2. A woman had been a few steps behind me for some time

3. There were two men together just behind her and then not really anyone else too close to us 

While my brain had taken in facts #2 and #3, the moment that the crosswalk cleared that I was looking flat on and the scene behind it perfectly piqued my interest, I sped up a bit, quickly took a shot of the scene, then turned around to ask if she’d take one of me. 


The funny thing is my dad, the son of the photographer, has learned over the years that travel photos have no value to him unless someone is in them. Especially in today’s digital world, we can see almost anything online. So personalize the visual memory with you in it. 

In that moment, both what I learned from Grandpa and Dad took over rapidly.  And as I placed myself at the tip of the crosswalk just between two of the white lines, I realized the lady I handed my phone to was 100 feet away from me. 

When I sat with the message: don’t hand your valuables away too quickly to someone who speaks a different language, I knew it had to mean something deeper, because I truly love and have sought out experiences of being the humble, teachable, observing minority in a setting when traveling. 


And here’s the information that settled in:

1. She was wearing a fur jacket. I have been vegan for most of the last two decades. While I’m not a loud activist, the moment she took my phone I realized she valued her next big buck over the connection to living things: people, and animals. 

2. She never showed that she knew what I was saying, actually appeared disinterested in learning, yet her hand was eager to grab my phone. 

3. I had been followed by these three same people for many minutes and there wasn’t a precise, common destination nearby 


Now I do want to pause and say, my phone is far from my greatest value. There was a message within these visuals: a social boundary message. 


Don’t give up your values too quickly to someone who doesn’t speak your same language. 


Okay, so this isn’t really about English and Farsi or Mandarin, or whatever her spoken language is if I had even paused to learn a tiny bit about this woman I was asking help from. 

Language of values. 

Gary Chapman gave us love languages, and with it the concept that we automatically love others the way we want to be loved. It’s easier for us to, and, it models to others building our hope of being loved the way we crave. The motivating principle, however, is that relationships thrive when we love someone in their love language and they love us primarily in ours.

I remember this tendency of mine when I was traveling as a 20-year-old Christian woman. I assumed that people identified with the majority religion in the area. When I was living in Italy, I assumed everyone was Catholic, when in Turkey, that everyone was Muslim, when in Amsterdam, that everyone was Atheist, and the incorrect assuming carried on each location. 

Now that I don’t identify with any religion, when I travel, I’m much more curious about the people in the places, and if they identify with their majority religion or frame of thought about anything they’re open to speaking about, or something specific that I came across in travel planning, or perhaps identify with some aspects of something common within their region with some customizations. 


Don’t give up your values too quickly to someone who doesn’t speak your same language. 


What are the languages of values? What comes to mind in this moment of reflection is this example: 

Before we hand over a generational antique possession, explore: Has this person freely demonstrated interest and appreciation of this piece as something more than financial profit? 


And by giving up value here, we’re speaking of something that leaves you vulnerable whether emotionally isolated in your wounding or physically abandoned in a state of unrest. 


So we return to the concept of mutuality. Or as it’s been said in the past: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Okay. 1, 2, 3, show.” 

Whatever the value is, obviously we’re not going to share it with everyone. However, each of our values is laced with so many others. This list I have provided about some languages of values are indeed values themselves. 


Don’t give up your values too quickly to someone who doesn’t speak your same language. 


Don’t give away values to someone who is not driven by value themselves. 

An example comes to mind: think about how you respond to different signs homeless people carry asking for money or something. There are also loads of videos online now of people learning more about a homeless person’s situation and then giving. Or, the “Would you rather the liquor or the money?” type videos. 

What do you respond to? How do you respond based on the values you learn about other people? 


This weekend I’ll be surrounded by people who share very different religious beliefs than I do. And, I stand firm in knowing that we continue to love one another well through many shared values of how we show up and treat one another: with curiosity, mutuality, intention, generosity, and presence. 


May we each keep growing in community with people who share, inspire, and respect our values as we inspire and respect theirs. And may we keep our eyes, ears, minds, and hearts open to exploring dialogue and acts of honoring values as we adventure through the world, leaving the rose-colored, ego-centered glasses behind that say: everyone cares for my interest and won’t harm me. And as we put those glasses down, may we not be compelled to become suspicious and critical of everyone being against us. May we return to exploring the availability of shared languages of values within community, and, feel enough within our values when alone as well. 

Peace be with you.