A poem utilizing Polyvagal theory and parts work to demonstrate the dysregulated inner workings and journey towards integration of Core Self
Nice to you and mean to me
My inner critic keeps beating me
Down
Down, down
Down
Down, down (whispered)
Down in the deeps of this well
Drowning in the swell
In this sorrow, I am unwell
I can’t feel my breath
Am I even breathing?
Hello, does anyone know I’m here?
One shaking breath fills me with air
I know that I am living
I try to remind myself I am living
Crawl my fingers
Inch my toes
I try to remind myself I am alive
Fill my lungs
Find my voice
AHHHHH
Is no one there?
How come the world lets me be so cruel?
Does no one else hear?
I remember
Nice to them and mean to me
My inner critic repeats
All the bullies who were mean to me
My brain tells me they might be grown
How bizarre, a bully can outgrow being mean
But my inner critic hasn’t outgrown being mean to me
I’m not drowning
I did not surrender to defeat
Feet firm on the ground
My voice not a whisper
My voice not a yell
I’m awakening all of me
And I’m reminded
My inner critic is not the best of me
My inner critic is not the worst of me
She thinks she’s protecting me
She thinks she’s protecting me
See, she knows disappointments are mean to me
She knows that if there’s nothing to anticipate, nothing crueler than her
When someone is mean to me, I can laugh
My inner critic is meaner to me than anyone else ever can
She has the recordings of every poke, every jab, every joke
She’s here
And so many others are here as well
It’s swell
We’re learning in this swell
Honor one another as we honor ourselves
She may be struggling in my eyes
But my inner child knows
My inner critic is mean to me and nice to everyone else
She boasts: she gets me the love I desperately need
And breath
My inner adult comes back online
I’m no longer dependent on another
I meet my needs
I work on myself
I love myself
I move into connection as myself
My inner critic no longer imprisons me
If I sing, I choose to sing
If I dance, I choose to dance
My performer begins to ease
My inner critic fades from the spotlight
She’s not running the show
She’s not my teacher
Ms. Hannigan
Ms. Trenchibal
Dear Critics, I am me and you are you |
Take your final bow and exit the stage
Perform your own show
I am not your jailer
And you are not mine
You can survive
And I will thrive
(Drop the chains and exit the stage with a big exhale)
